OKAY, I GET WHAT I AM FEELING IS NORMAL, NOW WHAT?

First of all, a quick check in.  Your friends at Cheff Center want to reach out and let you know that even though we are physically apart, we are thinking of you.  In fact, not a day goes by that the staff here doesn't think about our clients, our riders, our volunteers, the people of all ages that make the Center the wonderful place that it is.  So, first, a check in.  How is everyone doing today?  Right now, this moment.

It's so important to remember that if we stay focused in the moment, it can help us through both big feelings and the unknown of what is ahead.  So much of the stress we experience, which is combined with grief, is the unknown.  We'll share some tips in a moment on how to cope with that grief and loss.  The loss of our normal lives, for now, and the unknown of not knowing exactly what the next few weeks will hold.

If we can stay focused on this MOMENT, it can help.  If you are feeling okay at this moment, that's fantastic.  Take a moment, a deep breath while you are reading this, and savor it.  Perhaps you'll look at some pictures of Cheff horses and enjoy looking at them, paying attention to what you notice.  If it is a harder moment, breath deep, for just a breath or two, and focus on something in the here and now.  For example, a picture of one of the Cheff horses on the webpage or facebook.  Bring yourself into the moment.  You may notice that you are noticing things in the picture--notice color, behavior, what the horse may be feeling.  Bringing ourselves into the moment is one of the best ways to calm ourselves, and bring strong emotions into a time out.  Try it.  We'd love to hear what pictures you are drawn to, what horses you are drawn to.

And now, some grief and loss advice that may be helpful. As we said before, all the emotions people are experiencing are okay.  This is grief, and in grief and trauma the higher level processing in your brain is not firing the way it normally would. Be gentle with yourself. This is grief.  And grief is not a linear journey.  If you think about this journey like being in the water at Lake Michigan, the analogy might be helpful.

Sometimes, the water is calm, and then a minute later, a slightly bigger wave comes...you struggle a bit to keep your footing but you are okay...and then, the big one comes, and literally knocks you off your feet.  That is what the grief journey through this uncharted corona virus territory looks like.  When you get knocked down in the lake, you get sand in your suit, and water up your nose....and then, you get up and recognize that the water is not always the same everywhere, and for everyone.  The lake is different each day, the waves are different, and so are we.

Our grief journey is not linear, and mindfulness activities can keep us in the hear and now, staying calm when we begin to be overwhelmed.  Being overwhelmed is not a sign of weakness, nor a character flaw.  It's our brain and body telling us, pay attention and be in the moment. We love sharing horse pictures with you to help.

Finally, here are some of the ways you may choose to develop what we call "grief skills". They take time, and they aren't the same for everyone.  To consider--and pick what works best for you.

1) Pay attention to what your body is telling you without judgement--rest when you need to, get outside when you can, eat the best you can, but be gentle with yourself.  Grief is a journey.

2) Identify and develop and build on positive coping skills--art, journaling, music, films, hobbies, and be aware of what coping skills may not be working effectively or be unhealthy--too much alcohol, too much bad food, arguing, etc.

3) Commemorate and honor this time and the loss: a diary or journal or visual record to save for grandchildren, children in the future, and yourself.

4)Establish and reestablish relationships.  Take a chance on being close to others.  Reach out--perhaps in reaching out, even with the quarantine restrictions you may find others who are like minded, and can give and receive support.

5) Be forgiving of yourself and others---this is a tough tough time.  It is NOT normal, so cut yourself and others, slack and grace.

Will you take the challenge of looking at a horse picture on our website/facebook page, and mindfully take a few deep breaths, and be aware of what you notice?  If you want to post a comment about it, we'd love to read it.

Your friends at the Cheff Center TRULY miss you, and we are hopeful that we will see you again very soon!  We will get through this!.

Until then, be kind to yourself, and know we will come through on the other side of this journey.  The horses will be waiting for you!